Traditionally the second week back at work in January is the most miserable week of the year and everything is a bit of a struggle – but genuine fulfilment is about doing things that make us happy and the secret to happiness is a lot more simple.
So forget the high expectations about hitting the gym, reading the right books, mastering healthy eating (what, now!) and most of all Dry January (who invented that idea!) That approach is the problem – not you.
In Oliver Burkeman’s article in the Guardian on 3rd January, he asks – what if the whole goals-first mindset has been leading us astray? What if the path to genuine fulfilment isn’t about ticking boxes at all, but about paying attention to what makes you feel alive right now?
The problem with goal-driven self-improvement
The self-improvement industry operates on a fairly grim assumption. You, as you are, need fixing. It’s telling that, despite decades of productivity books and wellness apps, people keep coming back for more. If these systems worked as promised, wouldn’t we all be sorted by now?
Goals set up a kind of internal conflict. They ask you to sacrifice the present for some future version of yourself who will finally deserve to feel good. But that future never quite arrives. As the psychotherapist Bruce Tift suggests, we often use our supposed flaws as an excuse to avoid fully living. Real fulfilment doesn’t work that way. In fact, it might be much simpler than that.
What actually makes people feel fulfilled
People feel most fulfilled when they’re genuinely engaged with what they’re doing. Not because they should be, but because the activity itself feels worthwhile.
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s research on flow states found that people report the highest satisfaction not when relaxing, but when deeply absorbed in something that challenges them just enough. It could be painting, cooking, hiking, or having a proper conversation.
The activity matters less than the quality of attention you bring to it. This stands in contrast to the “eat the marshmallow later” philosophy. What good is delayed gratification if you spend your whole life waiting for a reward that keeps getting pushed further into the future (sorry Gen Z….)?
What this looks like in practice
When you’re genuinely engaged with absorbing activities, you tend to naturally make better choices. Take screen time. Most advice focuses on restriction. A more effective approach is filling your time with things that actually interest you. When you’re halfway through a good book, scrolling Instagram doesn’t hold the same appeal. You’re not fighting yourself. You’re just doing something better.
The same applies to health. Rather than forcing yourself through workouts you hate, find movement you actually enjoy. The goal isn’t discipline for its own sake. It’s building a life where the healthy choice is also the appealing one.
Over the next week, notice which activities leave you feeling energised rather than depleted. You might find that some things you thought you should want don’t actually suit you. You might also find that activities you’d dismissed as indulgent are actually essential to your wellbeing.
At Orange Malone, we spend a lot of time thinking about questions like this. Your well-being isn’t a side effect of achieving your goals. That might be the whole point.
