This week’s blog talks about the pressure on women to be likeable in the workplace. When I thought about this, I found it pretty depressing as it alludes to the lingering trope about assertive women still being seen as ‘bossy’ unlike their more ‘commanding’ male counterparts (hasn’t the world had enough of the Alpha male?!) Anyway, read on and let me know what you think!
More than half of all women in the workplace feel as though they need to be likeable. According to The Guardian, only 36 per cent of men feel the same way, and the disparity between the two genders is quite interesting.
The article asked what women could be doing if they didn’t have to smile all the time, and this is the theme of why women feel like they have to be liked.
Let’s take it back to the times before women joined the workplace. Even from childhood, there has been an inherent conditioning of girls. They are called ‘prim’, ‘flowers’, ‘coy’, ‘shy’, and ‘bashful’ (‘baby girl’ is particularly awful one!), but never are the words strong, powerful, commanding, or admirable used.
Whether this is in the media young girls watch or from the words they hear from their elders, those types of words and conditions reportedly stick. Such is what a report called Shapeshifters: What We Do at Work to Be Liked found.
The study revealed that women feel a lot more pressure to be liked than their male counterparts after surveying more than 1,000 people. But why? Could it really be how we view and treat young girls? Maybe.
According to Amy Kean, a sociologist and the author of the report, it is a culturally entrenched demand that transcends industries and job titles. She added: “Women are expected to balance competence with warmth, assertiveness with agreeability, and combine authority with overt humility.”
Her report found that 56 per cent of women feel that they have to be likeable, and Kean notes that this is because of the way they are viewed, even at work. She explained that they are supposed to be the ‘office mums’ who take notes in meetings, crack the whip to get the team acting correctly, and they also bake those yummy cakes every Friday so that they are as liked as possible.
They’ll also use a different kind of language in the office so as not to upset those around them.
This could be a simple: I might be wrong, but…
With 33 per cent of women worrying about coming across as too confident compared to 16 per cent of men, there must be something wrong. 50 per cent also shared that they hold their true opinions back so that they are more palatable to their peers.
The Guardian picks apart this issue with a great suggestion to women all over the world. They ask that you stop saying: “Sorry to ask, but could you possibly do that thing that is literally your job to do …”
Start saying: “Just leave it there, on my desk, thanks.”
The likeable need is also something that could be tied to gender norms as a whole. Women are expected to carry the brunt of the housework, mental load, and family upkeep (according to polls), which could carry into the workplace.
Who is going to make our tea? Sally is on it! Mark’s birthday is coming up. Shall we all put money into a pot and buy him something nice? Perhaps Molly would like to organise this….
My hackles are rising when I read this – does this really still happen?! I wouldn’t know as I haven’t worked in an office for more than 20 years (thank goodness!)
